Literary Hype: If Roses were...

XXXI Days of Poetry - Day the Tenth

If Roses were...

Hey, Pop, what'd you got there?

Flowers. For your mother.

What kind? I was watching this documentary about Holland and Tulips and...

Whaddya think? Roses.

Roses. Huh. Retro, but I guess that could be cool. She likes orange and purple. They're breeding them multi-colors now, or you can get 'em with frosted tips and...

Don't be stupid, boy. I got her red roses.

RED roses? You gonna make her wear a corset and and take away her right to vote too?

Boy, when it comes to the classics, you don't mess around. Oranges are for juice. Frosted tips are for...I have no idea. But roses, when given to a woman, not just any woman, but your heart and soul, mother of your children, eternal lover....

Ewww..

Are MEANT to be red. Red. Period.

But there are so many options now and you can....

Boy, you may know your Snapface and Hokey Pokey men, excuse me, MON, but when it comes to important things you're plum. ignorant. Listen up. You might learn something. Let me break it down for you:

If flowers are roses, they're meant to be red

If roses were books then they'd be read

If roses were rolls then they'd be bread

If roses were rosaries they'd be said

If roses were Roosevelts they'd be Ted

If roses were dozes they'd be in bed

If roses were Moses Seas would spread

If roses were hoes-es they'd be in a shed

If roses paid hoes-es legs would spread

If roses were hair they'd be towhead

If roses were killers they'd get behead

If roses were runners they'd be ahead

If roses were sewers they would use thread

If roses were covers they'd be bedspread

If a rose went with chili it'd be cornbread

If roses were Rands they'd write Fountainhead

If roses were cookies they'd be shortbread

If roses were Christmas cookies, then: gingerbread

If roses were Corleone they'd use horsehead

If roses loved Archie they'd be Jughead

If roses were soulless they'd be redhead

If roses were Terms of Agreement they'd be unread

If roses were poodle-boxers, they'd be bred

If roses were Rubbles, they would know Fred

If roses were Rogers, they would BE Fred

NEED I GO ON?

So....they were the cheapest?

You know nothing, boy. If roses were your sense of romance, they'd be dead

This poem is a spiritual sequel to Roses Are..., which you should also read